Know Thyself

Over the weekend I went to a yoga class, it is one of the perks I indulge in for having a brother-in-law as a yoga instructor. The theme around the class was value, looking within and knowing your worth, seeing yourself for what you truly are, and never underselling yourself.

There are days when I know darn well that I am worth a fortune (not literally, trust me). Days when I've successfully gone to work, done 3 loads of laundry, made dinner, baked cookies, distracted my two year old from a near meltdown, cleaned the house and got a blog post in all in one day. Days when I have finished the rat race coming out on top, arms held high, doing a victory dance on the podium. Then there are days when it is not so clear to me what I am worth, days when I feel my stock value has gone down and investors are quickly backing out for fear of bankruptcy. Days when I haven't managed to do a single one of those things - or worse, days when I have done a lot and not a single person around seems to have noticed. Those miserable moments when everything you do seems to be worth nothing because all that is visible is what you've done wrong or haven't done at all.
 

We all have them. Those no good, self deprecating days where the negative thoughts overwhelm the good ones. It's hard to clean off the inner mirror on those days, difficult to clear the cob webs and remember that though you are not perfect there are a lot of lives that would have a hard time getting by if you weren't around to do what you do.

Looking for "beetles" in Oma's garden.

I feel very blessed that I have a husband who makes appreciative "Mmmm's" at dinner, and takes notice when his shirts are not only washed but three weeks worth are ironed and hung in his closet. It gives my heart a squeeze of pride when my little rascal says "thank you" without being prompted to do so. I don't need the gratitude, but it helps me remember that in fact, I am not as dispensable as I sometimes am loathed to feel in other parts of my life.

  
I find it harder since I have gone back to work. I thought I would feel that my self value would be more because now I am juggling more, doing twice as much, building a vast empire of experience. But I don't always feel that way.  Instead I often feel stretched thin, like my concentration is broken off into so many different duties and responsibilities that I can't possibly afford enough attention to any one task. When I do too much, even if I do it well, does my worth go up or down?

It wasn't an answer I could come up with in a one hour yoga class, but it got me thinking about what changes I need to make and how best to reevaluate my life in order to maximize my worth and increase my value.  My self worth. My self value.

The first step is cleaning off that inner mirror, taking a good long stare at what is looking back at me, then making the most out of her until people are lining up around the block to buy my stock. 

His first lollipop...